ARMOR

Speed and agility should be your first defense against the walking
dead. Armor will not only decrease both these advantages that you
have over zombies, but it will also sap your energy during prolonged
conflict. Add the risk of dehydration, and the prospect seems even less
attractive. One final, less obvious disadvantage to annor is not physical
but psychological: People wearing protective garb tend to feel more
confident and therefore take greater risks than those in simple clothing.
This artificial bravery has resulted in too many senseless deaths.
Simply put, the best protection from a zombie bite is distance. If for
some reason you insist on some type of protective gear, the following
summary will provide all the information necessq for prudent
decision-making.

1. PLATE MAIL
This could be defined as the classic "suit of armor." The term itself
conjures up images of seemingly invincible knights dressed from head
to toe in shining steel. With so much protection, wouldn't one be able
to wander among the undead ranks, taunting them at will with no danger
of repercussion? In truth, standard medieval armor is far from
invulnerable. The leather or metal joints that hold its many pieces
together can be tom apart by an individual's persistent hands, to say
nothing of a mob. Even intact, steel suits are heavy, cumbersome, suffocating,
dehydrating, and extremely noisy. If possible, study and wear
a real suit of armor and practice fighting in it against even one (mock)
attacker. You will find the experience uncomfortable at best, excmciating
at worst. Now imagine five, ten, fifty attackers, all converging on
your position, grabbing at the plates, pulling them in all directions.
Without the speed to outrun them or the agility to avoid them, even the
necessary vision to find and strike them, yon will almost certainly end
up as little more than canned food.

2. CHAW MAIL
If worn from head to toe, this simpler form of armor actually does provide
some protection from zombie bites. Teeth will be unable to penetrate
its links, thereby saving you from infection. Its flexibility allows
for greater movement and speed; its lack of a faceplate allows for
greater visibility. Its vev nature (unlike solid plates) allows the skin to
breathe and thereby cuts down on dehydration and overheating.
Drawbacks, however, are still plentiful. Unless you have been training
with this armor for years, your combat effectiveness is bound to be
impaired. Its weight can still increase exhaustion. Its general discomThe
fort can lead to unwanted distraction, something that must be avoided
in battle. Although chain mail may keep you safe from infection, the
pressure of a zombie bite may still be enough to crack bones, tear muscles,
or rip flesh within the armor. As with plate mail, the clanking of
so many chain links will signal to any nearby zombies that prey has
anived. Unless you want your presence announced, discount this idea
entirely. On a practical note, if you choose chain mail, make sure it is
battle-quality! Much of the medieval or ancient armor produced today
is for decoration or stage performance. For this reason, less expensive
alloys are used in their production. When purchasing your chain mail,
always ensure, through inspection and careful testing, that it can withstand
a zombie's bite.

3. THE SHARK SUIT
Although designed for protection against
shark bites, this mesh bodysuit can stand
up to the toughest undead jaws. Made of
either high-tensile steel or titanium, it
provides twice the protection of chain
mail with half the weight. Noise, however,
is still a factor, as well as physical
discomfort and decreased speed and
agility. Shark suits might come in handy
if hunting the dead underwater.

4. HELMETS
This type of armor would be invaluable
to ghouls, if only they knew enough to
wear them. To humans, they serve no
purpose other than obstructing vision.
Unless your battle is taking place in a
"hard hat area:' avoid this cumbersome
waste of space.

5. BULLETPROOF VESTS
Because almost all combat-related zombie bites occur on the limbs,
this and other torso armor are a total waste of time. One might consider
a bulletproof vest only in a chaotic situation in which there is a
chance of being shot by your own people. Even in this situation, the
misguided sniper would probably be going for a head shot.



6. KEVLAR COVERS
In recent years, law enforcement have begun to equip officers with this
light, ultra-strong material. While thicker, harder plates are used in
vests to stop bullets, a thinner, more flexible version is employed to
stop blades and the occasional guard dog. This new version, if covering
the lower legs and forearms, can help to reduce the risk of zombie
bites in close-quarter situations. If you do acquire Kevlar covers, make
sure to wear them only during battle, and do not draw any false bravery
from them! Many humans in the past have believed that Kevlar or
similar kinds of body armor gave them carte blanche to take unnecessary
risks. No armor in the world can protect a human from that kind
of stupidity. As stated before, your goal is to survive, only survive, and
never be a hero. Bravado in combat is the surest way to endanger yourself
and those around you!

7. TIGHT CLOTHES AND SHORT HAIR
Cold, hard figures have shown that when battling the living dead, nothing
has saved more victims than basic, tight clothing and closely
cropped hair. The simple fact is that ghouls attack by reaching out to
grab their victims, pulling them in, then biting. Logic dictates that the
less material a person offers up for grabs, the better his or her chances
will be. Baggy clothing, complete with pockets, straps, or anything
that might hang freely, will be a convenient handle for grasping zombie
claws. Anyone who has worked in factories or with some kind of
heavy machinery will tell yon the importance of never letting anything
hang loose. Tight clothing, obviously within comfort limits, will help
to eliminate this danger. Hair can be a similar hazard. Many times, victims
have been seized and even dragged by their hair to a gruesome
end. Tying one's hair back before a conflict may work temporarily.
However,